Friday, 28 September 2012

Now breathe ............

This month, our house has been a rocky and turbulent place to be.  We are all a bit tired.  And we are all finally learning to breathe again.  Small baby steps.  One day at a time.

The OPERATION is now over. He was kept sedated and on a ventilator for 30+ hours, due to post op complications.  Thank God he pulled through.  He is ok, and improving daily.  His heart is now "fixed" - mostly.  Still one more procedure to go.  It "broke" because it had so much love in it that it burst - well, not really, but that is what I told our 4 year old daughter.  How else do you explain it to a four year old? It was very stressful, for all of us.  I  have been be scared, and worried, stressed, tired, teary, happy and sad.  Sometimes all at once. 

But now we are all starting to improve.  There will be more "speed bumps" along the way.  I keep trying to remember what my mum says Be gentle with each other.  What wise words.

Thank you to all of you who have helped me through this time.  I have been overwhelmed at the amount of kindness showered on this family.  I could not have got through this without you and I will never be able to thank you enough.

Sunday, 2 September 2012

A letter to my husband

I have many things I want to tell you, to scream them to you at the top of my lungs. But I can't at the moment because talking about this before your operation doesn't seem right.  So there is a big grey elephant in the room.  It is stopping to torrent of emotions from spewing forth, because once that damn bursts, there is no way I can stop it.  Sol let me tell you this....

I want you to know that I love you.  The end, full stop, nothing more to say.  Except there is so much  more to say.  So I will say it here, in my clumsy writing.  

I knew the moment I met you that you were the one for me.  We both had other partners at the time, but that didn't matter.  I just knew.  Fate fulfilled it's destiny, and we have been together now for nearly 20 years.

You have brought peace to my chaos and provided the soundtrack to my grown up years.

Your are my sun and moon.  My sunrise and sunset.  I have never felt so safe and at peace as when I am being held in your arms.  Like you said to me recently, "you need me".  Never has that been more true.

I love hearing you play.  I can pick your sound out of any band.  I love too the passion you have for your music and the inspiration it provides so many others that you encounter.  Our son one day will go on to be a great musician, if for no other reason that he will want to be better than his dad.

You can calm me in a storm. You can see when I am on the brink, and say and do just the right thing to bring me back.

We have travelled the world together, made a family together and will continue to build our lives together.

I love you, and really that is all that matters.  The operation will be fine, I will be there for you every step of the way, to help you heal.

Hurry home baby, I miss you already.